Finalist Speech High Anxiety

This week I have intensively focused on the finalist speech, and I swear that it is killing me.

A run through with my coach on Monday night gave me the sense that some more practice would do the trick: to create the right flow.

A run through with my club on Wednesday gave me the sense that the speech might well have insurmountable structure, wording, emotional and flow problems.  One viewer suggested I scrap it altogether---and start over.

And tonight I planned to take the finalist speech to an advanced club for some evaluation.  Right now I am petrified that the club will view me as an imposter--that the same fellow who is their district champion can't come up with two good speeches.  And that I am clearly not working nearly hard enough on this competition.

The truth is somewhere in between.  "Through Different Eyes" was probably not as good as a I thought Monday.  It does need some adjustment.  But enough people have said it is not a dog that there must be hope it can make the grade.

And am I working hard enough?  All my instincts tell me that one can reach a point where he is overprepared and exhausted.  I am sure I am somewhere between "working hard" and "working too much".

The clock is ticking.  Loudly.  In a mere sixteen days I board an aircraft for whatever awaits me.  And here I am, worried that I am just not ready.  So.  I do what I can do.  Make my two presentations tonight and Saturday.  Drill as often as I can.  Make logical adjustments.  But get rest.

A lot of anxiety.  I hope I can gain clarity soon.

A Major Milestone of Mood

Yesterday turned out to be a milestone.  The calendar only reflected "Work With Coach" but ended up being something larger.

Certainly the stage was larger! I had benefit of a fine 30' x 20' stage in our city's recently refurbished 1940s movie house.  I found it helpful to reacquaint myself with the dimensions of international staging after so many weeks of club meetings in odd or small spaces.

And the stakes were larger.  The run-throughs last night were with my coach, a 16-year motivational speaker and semiofficial (for me!) psychiatrist.  But I also had another in my "audience" who, surprisingly, had never heard me speak in this fashion.  I really felt that I needed to bring my best "game".

We ran through the semifinal speech and reached the decision that I have adjusted it enough.  The ending got attention and we're ready to call it a day there.  That speech gets one more run through for the attendees at Durham's "Speech Spectacular" on this coming Saturday.

We also ran through the finalist speech, which I described as "rough".  The judges' verdict?  Good, just needs work on the ending.  Unfortunately none of us had enough working brain cells at that hour to improve, so I had homework.  And it's hurry-up homework! I have to present the speech twice this week.

But most of all, the big story was validation.  My coach was selected in large part because she understands the balance between improvement and encouragement.  I got some serious feedback, and in cases, tough love.  But I felt like a champion.  Or at least more of one!

Next stop: vetting the finalist speech twice more this week.  We shall see what happens to that enhanced mood.

The Roller Coaster Ride of Club Evaluations and its Aftermath

A great deal has happened in my voyage to the semifinals during the past two weeks, and my head is spinning.

For one, I took vacation time in hopes of recharging my batteries.  I intentionally set aside not just my professional life but also my Toastmasters life.  The "meat grinder" of club presentations and evaluations had taken its toll and I needed perspective.

As is so often the case, that really didn't work.  The day after my return I returned to the circuit and it was not an energizing night.  The members of that club dished out a massive load of criticisms unaccompanied by anything I considered positive reinforcement.  The message I took away was "change everything, including the title." And the primary evaluator made more than clear that the speech was perhaps good enough for a "local contest" but not the international stage.

I returned home entirely demoralized.  I even contemplated closing down polishing work on the finalist speech.  Didn't seem that would be a good use of time.  And I dreaded the club presentation the next evening.

To my own surprise I didn't let that discouraged attitude color my presentation that Tuesday night.  Toastmasters has taught the lessons needed to get back on the saddle and deliver a speech with passion.  To my astonishment the club loved the speech and even asked me to do some Q&A after their meeting which lasted quite some time.

Same material.  Different reaction.  Go figure.

But that evening had only settled in my mind that I had solved the emotional questions, the takeaway, and the "connect-the-dots" issues I had wrestled with over the previous weeks.  It did not change my mindset on the semifinal.  I would be lying if I said that I am highly optimistic.  Of the 92 people competing on August 20th, 27 will earn a trophy of some kind.  I do not expect to be one of them.  The corpus of feedback I have so far received has left the strong impression that I have not developed the skills needed by a contestant in the World Championship of Public Speaking.  I am proud I did so well to date, and winning a district crown in a mere 24 months as a Toastmaster is a heck of an accomplishment.  Now is the time for a sober assessment and a reality check.  It's midnight, Cinderella.

At this point I will fly to Kuala Lumpur, give my very best, enjoy the astonishing voyage I have been on since my club contest on March 19th, and then watch and learn from the best.  And perhaps again next year try the thing again.

About Time to Work the Finalist Speech

Last night I visited another club for the purpose of gathering feedback on my semifinal speech.  Afterwards, I did some thinking about where I am on the mission to Malaysia.

My sense is that I am just about finished with reviewing the feedback on the semifinal speech.  With all due respect to last night's club, the feedback I am now getting is predominantly redundant or unhelpful.  Telling me to "use the stage" is not a helpful message.  Suggested additions (given that I am at an ideal 7:00) are no longer helpful.  Comments on vocal variety are no longer helpful.  I am listening intently to issues of emotional context, gestures, and so forth, but at each presentation they're decreasingly impactful.

For that speech, I am moving on to work with my coach for polishing.  My sense is that I am now only at the stage of making adjustments, not amendments.  Will the speech show up again?  Absolutely---at a Speech Spectacular.  But it is time for another change.

I am also supposed to prepare a second speech.  And this one has not been battle tested.  With the six weeks I have left, this one needs some club presentations and thorough evaluation.  It's a speech I have not come to terms with.  Starting July 21st, I will take this one to show.

It's a judgment call, but I think it the right call.

Thinking About Hands

As I continue to prepare for the semifinal---is it only 44 days away??--I'm giving ever increasing attention to my worst speaking habits.  Hands are at the top of the list.  Something odd: gestures, stray fingers, ... you name it, gets me every time.

These are hard habits to break!  I do my best to give this some mental space at each talk but I inevitably focus on words and facial gestures and the hands run away on me.  And it doesn't exactly help my spirits that evaluators are picking on this with phrases like "every little mistake is expensive".  Obviously one doesn't want to lose points.  And one wants to appear relax and controlled.  At the same time it is the storytelling that must take precedence and finding that balance is very difficult.  I plug away.  There is a new club visit Thursday and perhaps I can feel I put the hands where they belong!

The Seven Percent Solution

Today was a huge boost for me, although it came with a contact with a new and surprising challenge.  The scene: a club meeting of Speak Up! Toastmasters in Chapel Hill.  I presented, with some trepidation, the latest edition of my semifinal that factored in response to some of the issues raised at earlier club visits this week.  I would estimate I replaced 15% of the material.

Speak Up! is a serious club who has a surprising number of DTMs or Advanced Communicator/Leaders, and in their round robin they provided a good deal of thoughtful evaluation.  Much of the new material worked--for them at least.  Beyond that were true polishing issues: word choices, hand motions, and so on.  What was a stunner was their response to my time.  I clocked in at 7:26, and that was viewed as a serious problem.  The consensus was to cut back thirty seconds' of material: essentially 7%, or one in every fifteen words.  That doesn't sound like much, but it was a stunner for a speaker who usually shallows in his delivery (i.e. coming in closer to 5 than 7 minutes).

What helped most was the unstinting support this club gave me at a time of great self-doubt.  As recently as yesterday I was wondering if I had the stuff.  These people, among them a former district champion, performed at Toastmasters standard, lushly encouraging but not holding back on suggestions meant to get at my best.

The week ended wonderfully.  I am re-energized and in the hunt for my Seven Percent Solution.

Deep Questions

Tuesday night brought me the second in my series of club presentations of my semifinal speech.  I had been reasonably optimistic that adjustments since May 3rd, and even over the previous night, had brought that speech much closer to finalist grade.  That was, until the evaluations.

Lest you, dear reader, conclude I was appalled at being evaluated, please rest assured I do get it.  I sought feedback, and expected suggestions for improvement.  And I got some very helpful ones.  But there is another dimension.  Is the feedback more of "Make a few key changes and this will be a hit!" or "You're not ready for prime time"?  Consult today's suggestive image and imagine what came up.

So I am wrestling with the following questions based on suggestions and advice:

• Does one size fit all?  How do these fit my style?
• Is it better to follow the herd or be consciously different?
• Do the suggested changes likely make a big difference in judges' point scoring?
• How can I be true to the Toastmasters vision?

I am looking forward to my coming coaching session and to resolving these questions and making the right changes!  It may be my space rocket didn't blow up.  I may be on the way to the moon.

Riding the Round Robin

The best thing about Toastmasters is evaluations.  In a good club setting one can benefit from the perspective of another and pick up thoughtful ideas on improving a speech or presentation.  

It seems also that the worst thing about Toastmasters is evaluations.  Because even the best evaluations sometimes yield suggestions for improvement that just don't make sense.

I read through last night's round robin exercise that yielded nine sets of comments (which means less than half the room bothered to put down even an 'Attaboy!).  And indeed, there was a lot of food for thought and some stunningly perceptive suggestions.  Those, I will cheerfully adopt.  Yes, I looked down during pauses.  And yes, I didn't milk pauses nearly well enough.

Some comments were contradictory.  One kind soul suggested that I widen my vocal range more, to really drive home points of passion.  In contrast, another club member fussed that I was often much too loud and had too wide a vocal range.  In another weird pairing an evaluator demanded more emotional output while another suggested I had a moment or too that was too emotional.  Go figure.  In such cases, this still-inexperienced speaker must go with the weight of comments.  Hence, I have been on the understanding from listeners that I already have a very wide vocal range and that I had a noticeable emotional shift.  Fine: I will enhance those and build what I already have.

And then there were the comments that, I am sorry, I cannot work with.  Here's one: I was advised I shouldn't call an audience of strangers "my friends".  Gosh, it sure worked for Octavian in Shakespeare's Julius Caesar (i.e. "Friends, Romans, Countrymen"...).  Perhaps I say "friends" too often?  In my club, I am routinely told that this affectation warms my speeches.  I shall take the risk and persist.

In any case, I have the challenge of a two-year Toastmaster in having the horse sense to know when to apply an evaluator's comments---or not.  We know that in Toastmasters Country every speech can be improved.  There is no perfection.  But we also know that it is a fool's errand to listen to everything.  Where is the sweet spot?  

That, my friends, is the real trick of having an evaluation.